Have you ever received a compliment that really didn’t feel like appreciation or praise but an insult? Such remarks or compliments that carry a tone of sarcasm are called backhanded compliments.
What are backhanded Compliments?
Backhanded ComplimentsWhen someone praises you while mentioning something unpleasant about you, such passive-aggressive compliments that are insults disguised as praises are called backhanded compliments. These praises do not sound genuine, instead, they feel nasty and downgrading.
Truth is backhanded compliments are a communication tool, a tactful one that allows you to express your unhappy feelings or hate without creating much drama. If you do not like someone, a backhanded compliment effectively gets the points across without you having to actually slit their throat. Or when you do not feel like complimenting them but you are in a situation where you have to, you can get away with a backhanded compliment. You can express that you do not exactly find them charming without being explicitly rude. Giving backhanded compliments can bring an immense feeling of satisfaction and can reduce the frustration and announce building inside you.
Examples of Backhanded Compliments
While there are plenty of examples of backhanded compliments on the internet, only a few are listed here just to give you an idea.
- You look so fit for your age.
- This new haircut is really helping take the attention of your large nose.
- You look so much slimmer in this dress.
- You are really funny for a woman.
- Great foundation, makes you look less pale and sickly.
- Congratulations on your raise, I bet now you will have more money for shopping.
- I wish I could send my kids to live with dad and enjoy a tidy home like you, but yikes, I married their dad.
- This dress hides your big thighs very nicely.
- Great catch! you are really quick for a fat guy.
- You carry yourself really gracefully for a big girl.
- Beard is looking really nice on you, can’t even see your double chin anymore.
- Nice bag, can’t almost tell it’s a cheap replica.
Who uses Backhanded compliments?
People who don’t like you or can’t digest the fact that you achieved something in your life offer passive-aggressive statements as compliments. Backhanded compliments will point towards your shortcomings while mentioning the praise-worthy element about you, just to downplay your strengths. While this feels like something juvenile and immature that means girls and bullies from high schools will do, the truth is backhanded compliments are something that follows us in adult life. Many neighbors, co-workers, exes, and jealous friends use backhanded compliments for passive-aggressive communication. Basically, people who secretly hate you but can not openly declare war upon you, or publicly announce their hatred towards you will give you backhanded compliments.
Why do people use backhanded compliments?
There are mainly two reasons:
- Jealousy is the real evil. Unfortunately, even as adults, many people do not learn to be happy about others. It just ruins their ability to appreciate what others are achieving. They find it difficult to believe that other people can have what they can not, so they internalize someone else’s success as their own failure and project the anger in the form of backhanded compliments.
- Stereotypical biases can generate hatred. No matter what you do, some people will just hate you for the stereotypical category they associate you with. They can label you for your physical attributes, racial or geographical background, or gender association. They will consider you inferior due to their own superiority complex and then deal with your achievements in a passive-aggressive manner. They will act as if your success or achievement is not worth the praise or celebration or is not as good as theirs.
How to Respond to Backhanded Compliment?
Most people are of the view it is best to ignore and let go of backhanded compliments after all holding onto negativity will only harbor negativity in you. But at times you need to put a foot down otherwise they start believing you are too dumb to respond and thus they go on bullying you.
Calling them out straightforwardly can reverse the tables. Here are some polite comebacks that you can use to stop the negative speech around you.
- I am sure you intended to compliment my dress/hair but it really came out as if you were trying to insult my body in some way.
- While you are generally a great person, you suck at giving compliments, there was really no need to mention my nose while praising my haircut. Kinda kills the purpose of compliment.
- Honey, are you having any problem with giving out genuine and good compliments? You should visit uniquecompliments.com to learn how to give good compliments.
- Thanks but (insert the thing they praised) was never about my (insert the thing they tried to insult you about).
Replacing Backhanded Compliments with Observational Compliments
If you have found yourself in a habit of giving backhanded compliments you can change this bad habit and reduce negativity in your life. You can make more effort to give better compliments by being more observant and giving personalized compliments that sound more genuine and authentic. Here are some good examples of observational compliments.
Instead of a nice dress, you can say “Blue dress always makes your skin look so great” or “I love how this dress is making your eyes pop out” or you can even say “What a cute set of shoes that goes perfectly well with your dress”.
Or instead of telling someone “You are a really cool person” you can further elaborate to them what is it about them that you find cool, for example, “I have seen you play guitar, and you are not only really good at it, you can handle some very complicated notes very well. I have seen you are also very passionate about it, I think that’s pretty cool. It’s fun to see you playing. Great job, keep it up.”
This way you can skip the habit of backhanded compliments and can actually be part of another person’s success or happiness. It will add to your own joy and create more happiness in your life.
Thank you for reading this article till the end. I really appreciate your time and attention.
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