What are Backhanded Compliments – with Examples
Have you ever received a compliment that felt like an insult? Such remarks carry a tone of sarcasm. People call them backhanded compliments.
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What are backhanded Compliments?
What are Backhanded Compliments?
When someone praises you while mentioning something unpleasant, they deliver a passive-aggressive insult disguised as praise. That is a backhanded compliment. These remarks never sound genuine. Instead, they feel nasty and downgrading.
Backhanded compliments work as a communication tool. They let you express unhappy feelings without creating much drama. If you dislike someone, a backhanded compliment gets the point across without open confrontation. Sometimes you must compliment someone but don’t want to. A backhanded compliment lets you get away with it. You can signal that you don’t find them charming without being explicitly rude. Many people find that giving backhanded compliments brings a feeling of satisfaction. It also reduces frustration and releases built-up annoyance.
Examples of Backhanded Compliments
While there are plenty of examples of backhanded compliments on the internet, only a few are listed here just to give you an idea.
- You look so fit for your age.
- This new haircut is really helping take the attention of your large nose.
- You look so much slimmer in this dress.
- You are really funny for a woman.
- Great foundation, makes you look less pale and sickly.
- Congratulations on your raise, I bet now you will have more money for shopping.
- I wish I could send my kids to live with dad and enjoy a tidy home like you, but yikes, I married their dad.
- This dress hides your big thighs very nicely.
- Great catch! you are really quick for a fat guy.
- You carry yourself really gracefully for a big girl.
- Beard is looking really nice on you, can’t even see your double chin anymore.
- Nice bag, can’t almost tell it’s a cheap replica.
Who uses Backhanded compliments?
People who don’t like you or can’t digest the fact that you achieved something in your life offer passive-aggressive statements as compliments. Backhanded compliments will point towards your shortcomings while mentioning the praise-worthy element about you, just to downplay your strengths. While this feels like something juvenile and immature that means girls and bullies from high schools will do, the truth is backhanded compliments are something that follows us in adult life. Many neighbors, co-workers, exes, and jealous friends use backhanded compliments for passive-aggressive communication. Basically, people who secretly hate you but can not openly declare war upon you, or publicly announce their hatred towards you will give you backhanded compliments.
Why do people use backhanded compliments?
There are mainly two reasons:
- Jealousy is the real evil. Unfortunately, even as adults, many people do not learn to be happy about others. It just ruins their ability to appreciate what others are achieving. They find it difficult to believe that other people can have what they can not, so they internalize someone else’s success as their own failure and project the anger in the form of backhanded compliments.
- Stereotypical biases can generate hatred. No matter what you do, some people will just hate you for the stereotypical category they associate you with. They can label you for your physical attributes, racial or geographical background, or gender association. They will consider you inferior due to their own superiority complex and then deal with your achievements in a passive-aggressive manner. They will act as if your success or achievement is not worth the praise or celebration or is not as good as theirs.
Common Backhanded Compliments and What They Really Imply
A backhanded compliment hides a criticism inside praise. Seeing the hidden message spelled out makes them much easier to spot, and easier to avoid saying yourself.
| What they say | What it implies |
|---|---|
| You look great for your age. | People your age usually don’t look good. |
| You’re braver than me for wearing that. | That outfit is a risky choice. |
| Wow, you actually cooked something good. | I expected your cooking to be bad. |
| You’re so pretty without makeup. You should go natural more often. | Your makeup doesn’t help. |
| I love how you don’t care what people think. | You look like you don’t make an effort. |
| You’re smarter than you look. | You look unintelligent. |
| Congrats on the promotion. I guess they needed someone. | You weren’t the obvious choice. |
| Your English is so good. | I assumed you couldn’t speak it well. |
| You’ve lost weight! You look so much better now. | You looked worse before. |
| I wish I could be as relaxed about deadlines as you. | You’re careless with your work. |
| That’s a bold haircut. | I don’t like your haircut. |
| You’re so lucky you can eat anything. | You eat a lot. |
How to Respond to Backhanded Compliment?
Most people are of the view it is best to ignore and let go of backhanded compliments after all holding onto negativity will only harbor negativity in you. But at times you need to put a foot down otherwise they start believing you are too dumb to respond and thus they go on bullying you.
Calling them out straightforwardly can reverse the tables. Here are some polite comebacks that you can use to stop the negative speech around you.
- I am sure you intended to compliment my dress/hair but it really came out as if you were trying to insult my body in some way.
- While you are generally a great person, you suck at giving compliments, there was really no need to mention my nose while praising my haircut. Kinda kills the purpose of compliment.
- Honey, are you having any problem with giving out genuine and good compliments? You should visit uniquecompliments.com to learn how to give good compliments.
- Thanks but (insert the thing they praised) was never about my (insert the thing they tried to insult you about).
Replacing Backhanded Compliments with Observational Compliments
If you have found yourself in a habit of giving backhanded compliments you can change this bad habit and reduce negativity in your life. You can make more effort to give better compliments by being more observant and giving personalized compliments that sound more genuine and authentic. Here are some good examples of observational compliments.
Instead of a nice dress, you can say “Blue dress always makes your skin look so great” or “I love how this dress is making your eyes pop out” or you can even say “What a cute set of shoes that goes perfectly well with your dress”.
Or instead of telling someone “You are a really cool person” you can further elaborate to them what is it about them that you find cool, for example, “I have seen you play guitar, and you are not only really good at it, you can handle some very complicated notes very well. I have seen you are also very passionate about it, I think that’s pretty cool. It’s fun to see you playing. Great job, keep it up.”
This way you can skip the habit of backhanded compliments and can actually be part of another person’s success or happiness. It will add to your own joy and create more happiness in your life.
Thank you for reading this article till the end. I really appreciate your time and attention.
If you found this article informative and helpful, I will encourage you to pin it and share it with your friends, and may leave a genuine compliment in the comment section. Your support means a lot and helps me to do more good.
Witty Comebacks for Backhanded Compliments
Witty Responses — Part One
Use these first ten responses when you want to shut down a backhanded compliment with calm, sharp confidence.
- You looked so kind before you started speaking.
- Your face looks pretty when you are not talking meanly.
- Clearly, you have a lot of potential to improve your social skills.
- Being around you always makes me feel smarter and prettier.
- People who avoid talking badly about others live longer, indeed.
- Really? Way to spot the obvious, Einstein.
- Tiny brains always come with big mouths, don’t they?
- For our mutual benefit, I will pretend to ignore this rudeness.
- Gotta love the good karma — I know, right!
- Is that honestly the best you’ve got?
Witty Responses — Part Two
These next ten responses are, furthermore, perfect when you want something sharper and more direct.
- Coming from you, I’m genuinely shocked.
- Are you deliberately trying to attract drama?
- Without doubt, you are so good at being bad.
- Yikes — someone is clearly finding it difficult to have a good day.
- Keeping your mouth closed makes you look far more likable.
- That’s not what your boyfriend said last night.
- Honestly, I genuinely don’t enjoy it when you talk like that.
- Wishing I could say the same for you — but I simply can’t.
- It could have been worse — I could have been you.
- Not today, honey. My patience for this ran out completely.
Witty Responses — Part Three
Finally, these last ten responses work best when you want to deliver a confident, unbothered closing statement.
- Someone else saying it might have made me believe it.
- Sweetheart, if you plan to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.
- Can I interest you in some peppermint? You make me reconsider my socializing priorities entirely.
- Being 90% sure you dislike me and 100% sure I don’t care feels quite liberating.
- Surprising that someone as observant as you hasn’t discovered anything significant yet.
- Knowing it all means you should also know when your opinion doesn’t matter.
- Smart enough to recognize an insult — and confident enough not to care.
- Whatever you choose to believe about me is entirely your own concern.
- Wow! That is, indeed, too many words for someone with your IQ.
- Letting your mouth rest occasionally would make many people feel much better.
If you found these witty responses entertaining and helpful, make sure to bookmark them for future use and share them with your friends.
Backhanded Compliments FAQ
Are backhanded compliments always intentional?
No. Many people say them without realizing how they sound, often because they are nervous or trying to be funny. If someone you care about does it regularly, a calm “What did you mean by that?” usually clears things up.
What is the difference between a backhanded compliment and a sarcastic one?
Sarcasm usually says the opposite of what the speaker means, and both people know it. A backhanded compliment sounds sincere on the surface, which is why it can sting more and is harder to call out.
How do I stop giving backhanded compliments?
Cut the comparison. Most backhanded compliments contain a hidden “for a …” or “than before”. Drop that part and the compliment becomes genuine. If you want help with the receiving side, read how to respond to a compliment.
